Angelized

Byahe

Nagsisigawan na naman sila. “Dito, dito! Kalibo!” Pinilit ko na lang na magbingi-bingihan. Mahirap kasi. Gusto ko sanang sumakay sa jeep nila kaya lang, siguradong male-late ako. Ang tagal kasi nila maghintay ng pasahero eh. Maghihintay na lang ako ng jeep na galing sa Ibajay para tuloy na agad ang byahe.

Ayun, may paparating na. Sana kaunti pa lang ang sakay para makapili ako ng magandang pwesto. “Dito ne, maluwag pa,” sabi ng kundoktor. Mabuti na lang at kaunti pa lang ang sakay. Kung hindi ay magsasa-unggoy na naman ako sa loob Kapag sa upuan sa gitna ng jeep ako napwesto. Medyo madulas kasi sa upuan itong tela ng palda kong uniporme kaya kailangan mahigpit ang pagkapit.

Siyempre, nakaupo na ako. Tignan ko muna kung sino tong mga kasama ko sa jeep. Nakakalibang din kasi tumingin sa iba-ibang tao. Pwede kang makagawa ng kwento.

Ayun, si kuya na nakaupo sa may pinto ng jeep. Natutulog. Mukhang napuyat kagabi. Nakakatakot baka biglang mahulog. Pero mas nakakatakot, baka tumulo ang laway. Ayun naman si ate sa tabi nya. Malayo ang tingin. Mukhang may problema yata. Tabihan ko kaya at tanungin? Baka sakaling makatulong ako. Kaya lang wala nang espasyo sa tabi nya. Meron kasing estudyanteng nakaupo na abalang-abala sa pagkakabisado sa nakasulat sa papel na hawak nya. Bubulong-bulong habang halos tumirik na ang mata sa kakatingin sa taas. Mukhang nahihirapan siya magmemorya. Ito palang nasa tabi ko, yung magnobyo na madalas kong makasabay sa jeep. Mabuti naman at Mukhang bati na sila. Nung isang araw kasi eh magkatabi sila pero nasa magkabilang direksyon ang tingin at hindi nag-uusap. Ngayon naglalambingan na. May sasakay. Isang grupo pala ng mga estudyante na hayskul. Ang sarap ng tawanan nila at walang tigil na kuwentuhan. Mukhang hanggang Pagbaba na nila ito. Sa bandang likod ng drayber, may isang lalaki. Kakaiba ang porma. Parang ito yata yung sinasabi nilang “rakista”. Naghe-head bang pa eh. Buti na lang maigsi ang buhok Kita yung “earphones”. Kung hindi, eh baka mag-alala kami sa kinikilos niya. Makato na pala. Ang daming sasakay. Ayan malapit nang mapuno. Kaya lang si ate na naunang umupo sa upuan sa gitna eh ayaw umusog. Hindi tuloy makaupo yung iba. Nakasimangot tuloy si Manong Drayber. Konting pilit pa siguro ng kundoktor. Ayan, makakaupo na lahat. Si Manong naman, hindi pa nga nakakaupo si lolo pinaandar na agad yung sasakyan. Parang male-late din siya.

Balik tayo sa ibang pasahero. Si nene, estudyante pala. Hindi ko napansin yung uniporme nya nung una. Sus! Grabe naman ang kolorete. Ang kapal pa ng pulbos. Bakit parang may nag-aaway yata? Ay si lola pala at ang kundoktor. Hindi pa pala alam ni lola na tumaas na ulit ang pamasahe. Kawawa naman si Manong kundoktor. Parang siya ang nag-apruba ng pagtaas ng pamasahe at galit na galit sa kanya si lola.

Ayan, malapit na kaming bumaba. Naku, huminto pa sa gasolinahan. Lalakarin ko na nga lang at mahuhuli na ako. Swerte nga naman.

Bago ako bumaba, isa-isa kong tinignan ang mga kasama kong pasahero. Sa sandaling pinagsamahan namin sa byaheng pa-Kalibo, nakakatuwang isipin na nagkaroon kami ng pagkakatulad. Ang amin pupuntahan at ang Panalangin na makarating kaming ligtas sa aming paroroonan. May mga ngumiti, na ginantihan ko rin ng ngiti bilang pasasalamat sa pagiging bahagi ng ilang sandali sa aking buhay. Maraming byahe pa akong gagawin. Ilang taon pa akong bi-biyahe. At sana, sa mga susunod pang pagkakataon, marami pa akong ngiting makita.

Life is like a wheel. There are times when you're on the top and there will be times that you're down.

I looked at it, a precious little toy held by hands with admiration. A wide array of vibrant colors, each representing a reward waiting for your arms to come and grab them. There was sweetness. There was glamor. There was blood. There was love. There was gentleness. There was courage. There was the "key".

There were jewels and the flowers bloomed. But I wonder, why the place is still filled with darkness. Depths of emptiness that lulled me to sleep.

Just found a poem that I wrote when I was in college:
www.poetry.com/dotnet/P3369731/999/1/display.aspx

A special figure containing all of my life. From where it all started and when it started the second time around. The first among the twelve represented by fruits that adorn the table on New Year's Eve. The most special moment which led me to where I am right now and will forever mark a day filled with vivacity and hope. In the second generation, welcomed me with open arms with the look of love and longing in their eyes. To be held in such strong yet soft arms, softened by affection, too pure emotion which causes aching in places no one can precisely identify.

The second wave crashed but it built more than i destroyed. The purpose, the aim came to light and all was well.

I looked down the road, searching for something to grasp. To bring back the color and vivacity of the past. There were too many hugs, too many smiles, too many talks, too many tears. I was so muddy with the puddle I am swimming in. I failed to take notice of the precious gems within my reach. I was a fool to believe that everything is blessed with immortality.

I did my best, the best that I can with my then small hands. Sometimes helpless and numb. And once again I looked back, and they were gone. With all my might I tried to pull them back. I tried to offer what I have. I failed.

He took the goblet filled with imagination and hope. Tasted it, felt the warmth flow through his throat. Tried to hold on and forget the world. But the truth kept on tugging at his tunic. Carried him away and filled his memory with emptiness. Trying to reach for the magic carpet. Ride on it with Princess Jasmine but it was nowhere in sight. All alone he continued on his journey. Found a treasure almost as precious as the one concocted on his mind. He was blinded. He looked down and was delusional thinking there were people looking up at him. He blew the whistle, and everyone laughed. He laughed along but little by little felt the rusting of his mind, slowly caving in. He thought its almost like when he was sober but its not.

She was left for dead even before she was born. But there was a force so strong yet so gentle that caressed and cherished her. She reached for the shining jewel but it moved even farther from her.

Surrounded by questions and broken promises she stood. The pricks of the needles gave her joy because she felt alive. Her heart was numb from the pain that was born with her.

Everyday of her life she was tormented by the presence of the culprit. Ignoring her, pretending that she never existed. But she knows. She was trying to kill a drop of hope from an unidentified origin. Forgiven not forgotten.

Shouts. Rage.  Violence. Silence. Tears. Fear.

I should have remained quiet. I shouldn't have said a thing. I should've wait for the ones concern to settle the issue. I should have not fought. But I saw, I knew, I cared, I hoped and I believed.

It just blew off, smoke, fire and all. Just like in the movies. Bodies were scattered on the ground. Lying lifeless, soaking in blood. Innocence were stepped on, threw away, destroyed. From out of nowhere a blast came. And it refuse to cease. As if more firewood were thrown into it. The fire grew bigger, became stronger, affecting more lives, obliterating the peace, conscience washed away.

The survivors were left furious, terrified, boggled. A cold fire of anger burned inside them. Nothing in mind but revenge, avenging for all that was lost. But from a dark corner, a light of hope and wisdom flickered, struggling to stay alive. Torn between hiding and wanting to be known. Sadly, not another one felt the same.

To this day, the flickering light still fights. Hoping that one day, another one will stand beside it, so it won't feel as weak. Hope. Pray. Have faith.

Heroes. I am fortunate to find one every time I turn around.

A hero taught me the meaning of integrity. Of standing up on what you believe in. Of responsibility to my fellowmen. How to feed the hungry. How to value my reputation and my family's as well. How not to be afraid when I know that I'm not doing anything wrong. Of how to be willing to risk my life for the people that I love.

A hero taught me how to be thrifty. How to extend love to those who need it. How you have to appear tough so that others will give you respect. So that others who just can't seem to follow because of respect will eventually follow because of fear.

A hero taught me about leadership. About being organized. About how some things just need to be left unsaid. About the importance in taking the blame for some situations when you protect a loved one from being hurt. About how sometimes you have to sacrifice as much as you can to make something work out so that in the event that it doesn't, you won't feel regret about something that you could have done but did not.

A hero taught me how sometimes, you can also give love to someone who doesn't share your blood. How you can be whoever that person needs you to be. About loving my parents and not allowing them to get hurt.

A hero taught me about responsibility and giving back what was due and more. About the importance of having a plan, a direction to where my life should lead. The importance of making everyone know who's the boss. About perseverance. About the ability to identify the right timing.

A hero taught me of how to make other people love me. How to be loyal. How to keep a secret.

A hero taught me to be serious. To focus. To put my heart in everything that I do. To be the best that I can be.

A hero taught me about strength. About accepting what seems to be unacceptable. About ignoring my own emotions. About generosity. About patience. About the uselessness of blaming other people and instead taking responsibility if you really want to succeed and if you really want your plans to push through.

A hero taught me how to give importance to the presence of my loved ones and to make them feel how special they are each and every opportunity that I get.

A hero taught me to be neutral in some situations. To be observant. To be able to adjust into different settings with different kind of people. Of the beauty of RnB.

A hero taught me to forgiving. To be just happy whatever happens. To be calm. The importance of having peace of mind. Respect. For the elders, for everybody.

A hero taught me the importance of being obedient. For not minding what other people would say to fight for true love. Of beating all the odds. Of romance.

A hero taught me about practicality. About keeping it real.

A hero taught me about the importance of faithfulness. About the importance of being with my family.

A hero taught me about love. Understanding.

A hero taught me about selflessness. About unconditional love. About sacrifice. About fulfillment. About joy over simple things. About miracles. About faith. About responsibility. About failure and success. About acceptance.

Among all these heroes, one was held on a high pedestal. He taught me about friendship. About the importance of honest communication. About the importance of freedom.

It doesn't mean that I am made of all of these. Because from these heroes, a certain "myself" emerged. Full of conflicts. And no one knows what I will be tomorrow. No one knows exactly what I am made of. Not even me.

June 6. Will forever be engraved in my heart.

He tried to hold the world in his hands. His presence graces situation when precious ones are in need. He looked at them. Now happy in spite of terrors that hung above them. They knew. They simply don't want those to smell their fear. No one actually sees but in every move, every word, the tension thickens. Only noticed by a silent witness.  He held out his hands to offer comfort. One by one they came. None looked back when everything that has ran down were replenished. Up to the last minute, he built a castle from dust. He pushed and struggled and extended until they reached the top. Just to be the recipient of a smile, a touch, hell, even just a look. None were given.

To the darkness he turned his back some time ago. Famished, he reached back. Swallowed everything from what he left behind. And no, the tears can never bring him back.

In her world, everything she touch turned to gold. In her world, she looked down and found subjects who worship her. In her world, she whispered and whatever it is that she desired were presented at her feet by hands that trembled for her mere presence. In her world, she blinked and things fell into place. In her world she frowned and hindrances vanished. In her world, she drew and it all came to life. In her world, she looked and found precisely what it is that she wanted to find. She stomped her feet and the antagonists fell into their knees. She waved her hands and the darkness vanished. She cried and the whole world cried with her. She smiled and confetti and flower petals fell. She laughed and the rainbow decorates the background. She sniffed and the place was filled with the aroma of happiness, joy, success, peace and contentment.

But then the director shouts "cut!".

What she touch moved away. She looked down and found the ground staring back at her. She screamed but no one heard. She blinked and tears fell from her eyes. She frowned and it resulted to wrinkles. She drew but it looked like crap. She looked and looked and spent every day of her life doing so. She stomped her feet and she got dirty looks. She waved her hands but no one waved back. She cried but no one cared. She try but she can't smile. She laughed at the bitter-sweet irony of her existence.  She sniffed but everything stinks.

Then she fell asleep and once again, she was the queen of the world.

Well, since it is my "Dream House", I can make it as I want it, right? I want it in a peaceful neighborhood, with a friendly atmosphere. Near the hospital, the mall, a school, and other essential establishments. Accessible public transportation is also a must.

The front yard should be beautifully landscaped, has a garage, a small garden on a side and a mini-playground on the other. The backyard should have a six-feet swimming pool. That would be high enough since I'm not a good swimmer. :D

I like every furniture to be black. I would like a combination of leather and glasses. I want just three bedrooms from me and my husband, for my son and a guest room.  A library is a must. :D
 

He was looking at a false beauty. So mesmerized that everything else seemed so hollow. He was in his own world. Just him and this beautiful creature. He thought about how wonderful it is that everything seems to fall into place. He doesn't feel alone anymore. Someone cared and that's all that mattered.

Then it ended.

So surprising that no pain was felt. No scream left his mouth. No struggling. No memories of the past flashed on his mind. A beautiful mind that was full of good intentions. A peaceful mind that was not aware of the perils in front of him. The thorns of the rose that captured his heart.

An innocent abused. A by-stander dragged into the dark muddy puddle that turned into a quicksand. He embraced it all.